A couple of years ago, my wife and I were shopping for a new car. I remember clearly my response to the salesman who showed us the model we were interested in. It wasn't, "Gee, that is a fine car!"(for I already knew that before I visited the lot). What I said was, "He's a really nice guy" . . . just before I asked my wife, "Did you bring the checkbook?"
And Mrs. Merchant, the 4th grade teacher that I remember so fondly? I can say with certainty that I've never mused to myself, "Gosh, I loved the way she folded culture into that unit on South American geography. And her grasp of pre-algebra? Outstanding!"
No, my memories prompt me to think: "That woman changed my life--because she believed in me and showed me what I was capable of."
In both these situations, my emotional response was what mattered.
It's the same with the audiences for your speeches and presentations.
Human beings make important decisions because those choices feel right for them. They will justify their decisions with data and logic. But it's EMOTION that turns people on, and drives the choices in their lives.
Persuasion begins with trust, not with information. Every time you talk to a customer, prospect, colleague, or stakeholder, an unvoiced understanding takes place: you (the speaker) are seeking to influence your listeners. You're trying to change them in some way--positively and ethically, we hope. Change isn't easy for anyone. It only occurs when the person to be changed trusts that you are worth listening to and believing in.
As speaker, you are modeling the way: "Hear me and see me," you are saying. "You can see I am trustworthy, and therefore what I have to say is valuable."
By speaking in the realm of emotion, you open the door for positive influence. It isn't influence that computes right--for our brains are not machines that subsist on logic--it is change that feels right.
Author and playwright George Ade, Mark Twain's contemporary, said it this way:
"In uplifting, get underneath."
He didn't mean crawl down into the bogs of raw data, or dig into foundations long since excavated. He meant get into the things that matter. As a speaker or presenter, that means reaching across the real space of your speaking venue to touch people's hearts.
You do it with the story you tell, and the way you tell it, of course. Inexperienced speakers buckle the load of information they have to convey onto their backs, and then dump it into the laps of their listeners. To an audience, that feels heavy and unwieldy, and it's not something they want to take home with them.
Instead, your story--the one you're telling to change people's lives--must begin and end with people, and the things that move people deep inside. It's only to support that narrative that you bring in your information--your content. This is so whether you're presenting return on investment, your nonprofit's mission, or the marketing tools your company specializes in. All the information you convey is important; but you must convey it in terms of the satisfaction and benefits to be gained. The more you can link those benefits to an emotional response in your listeners, the stronger your content will appear.
How does this knowledge impact the practical necessity of developing a successful message? It's a reminder that we have to get the order right: Know your audience and what matters to them. Then tell them your story in human terms, relying on emotion, and using your content to help you make your case.
You'll feel good about that way of proceeding. And by the time you're finished, your listeners will not only be moved, they'll be persuaded.
Showing posts with label persuasion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label persuasion. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Friday, October 17, 2008
An Exercise for Improving Eye Contact
We've all heard that eye contact is essential for successful public speaking. Sometimes, however, looking audience members in the eye isn't easy, especially when nervousness and self-consciousness hijack our thinking.
Recently, I coached a client who had a severe case of eye-avoidedness. It was the first issue he brought up. And of course, I saw it in action immediately. Even though we sat in armchairs no more than 4 feet apart, I'd estimate that he avoided looking at me about 80% of the time.
He knew this was a problem both in presentations and interpersonal communication, but he had no idea how to overcome his shyness. And that, in fact, turned out to be an important clue for me. He mentioned that he was an introvert. One speaking trait introverts sometimes have, is a desire to "go away" in their own mind and fashion a carefully structured and gift-wrapped statement or response. In the rough-and-tumble of conversations and Q & A, however, we seldom have the luxury of doing this.
Before we tried an exercise I had in mind, I gave him the two reasons why I believe strong eye contact is critical to successful speaking situations:
1. You will never exert influence on people you don't look in the eye! When was the last time you were persuaded by someone who wouldn't look at you while he or she was talking?
2. People are easier to get a response from than the back wall. I often hear from my trainees, "But if I look anyone right in the eye, I'll forget what I'm saying!" At this point I usually respond: "Which do you think is going to give you something back, the ceiling or the person you're talking to?"
Our listeners should give us energy--not suck it out of us like an audience of vampires! Speaking to "the window of the soul" as you say something important to people, and observing their response, should be a delightful activity, not a painful one. People want you to look at them when you talk; and if you do, they'll trust you more.
As it turned out, the exercise we practiced next turned out to be even more helpful for this client than I anticipated. Here it is:
I had prepared around 20 impromptu speech topics, which I folded and placed in an envelope. My client had to reach in, choose a slip and read it, then look up at me and start talking about it. Understand: I gave him no time to prepare. (No nicely wrapped speech package possible here!)
The topics were intentionally ones that he would have no expertise in, and in fact, each topic had no right or wrong answer. They included, for instance, "What do you like about the United Nations, and why?" "What do you think was the most interesting ancient civilization?" and so on.
For a minute or two each time, my client spoke on each of the four items he'd selected. And I'd say that 90% of his responses were delivered looking directly at me, with rock-solid eye contact!
You see, he couldn't "go away" and marshall his thoughts and relevant data on the subject, for there wasn't any from his professional experience. The exercise was simple and clear: it was teaching him to look at his listeners even if he wasn't sure what he was about to say. He had to attempt to reach his listener with what he was saying, not fashion "the perfect answer."
The exercise, of course, is a confidence builder, and I've used it many times solely for that purpose. But it was nice to know that it works well as a tool for strengthening eye contact, too.
Recently, I coached a client who had a severe case of eye-avoidedness. It was the first issue he brought up. And of course, I saw it in action immediately. Even though we sat in armchairs no more than 4 feet apart, I'd estimate that he avoided looking at me about 80% of the time.
He knew this was a problem both in presentations and interpersonal communication, but he had no idea how to overcome his shyness. And that, in fact, turned out to be an important clue for me. He mentioned that he was an introvert. One speaking trait introverts sometimes have, is a desire to "go away" in their own mind and fashion a carefully structured and gift-wrapped statement or response. In the rough-and-tumble of conversations and Q & A, however, we seldom have the luxury of doing this.
Before we tried an exercise I had in mind, I gave him the two reasons why I believe strong eye contact is critical to successful speaking situations:
1. You will never exert influence on people you don't look in the eye! When was the last time you were persuaded by someone who wouldn't look at you while he or she was talking?
2. People are easier to get a response from than the back wall. I often hear from my trainees, "But if I look anyone right in the eye, I'll forget what I'm saying!" At this point I usually respond: "Which do you think is going to give you something back, the ceiling or the person you're talking to?"
Our listeners should give us energy--not suck it out of us like an audience of vampires! Speaking to "the window of the soul" as you say something important to people, and observing their response, should be a delightful activity, not a painful one. People want you to look at them when you talk; and if you do, they'll trust you more.
As it turned out, the exercise we practiced next turned out to be even more helpful for this client than I anticipated. Here it is:
I had prepared around 20 impromptu speech topics, which I folded and placed in an envelope. My client had to reach in, choose a slip and read it, then look up at me and start talking about it. Understand: I gave him no time to prepare. (No nicely wrapped speech package possible here!)
The topics were intentionally ones that he would have no expertise in, and in fact, each topic had no right or wrong answer. They included, for instance, "What do you like about the United Nations, and why?" "What do you think was the most interesting ancient civilization?" and so on.
For a minute or two each time, my client spoke on each of the four items he'd selected. And I'd say that 90% of his responses were delivered looking directly at me, with rock-solid eye contact!
You see, he couldn't "go away" and marshall his thoughts and relevant data on the subject, for there wasn't any from his professional experience. The exercise was simple and clear: it was teaching him to look at his listeners even if he wasn't sure what he was about to say. He had to attempt to reach his listener with what he was saying, not fashion "the perfect answer."
The exercise, of course, is a confidence builder, and I've used it many times solely for that purpose. But it was nice to know that it works well as a tool for strengthening eye contact, too.
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