Hard-boiled police detectives love using web-cams for interrogating suspects, don't they?
Customs officials ask suspicious travelers to dial into conference calls.
And you probably asked your spouse to marry you via an e-mail message--flagged, of course, with a red exclamation point.
Why do these three scenarios sound ridiculous? In high-stakes communication situations, we depend upon the cues (and clues) provided by a face-to-face encounter.
No other dialogue offers such a rich environment for getting to the truth regarding people's motives and trustworthiness.
It's a lesson worth bearing in mind, when recession-battered budgets sing the siren song of virtual meetings rather than the real kind.
Webinars, product demos, video conferences, and social media offer tremendous opportunities for personal and business growth, at a fraction of the cost of corporate travel. But in make-or-break situations where maximum trust and credibility are called for, there is simply no substitute for the personal touch.
The Wall Street Journal made this argument recently, in a special advertising section on global business travel. Clearly, author Joe Mullich in "The New Face of Face-to-Face Meetings" (WSJ, September 22) and the section itself were encouraging corporate travel rather than the virtual kind. Yet it's difficult to argue with the viewpoint that companies need to appreciate the effects of certain kinds of cost-cutting. This sentence in particular, from a spokesperson of Oxford Economics USA, is hard to ignore: "The research informs us that when a company reduces its travel budget, it loses both revenue and profits, giving competitors a real advantage."
A psychologist who analyzed research in this area found that "group processes and outcomes that require coordination, consensus, timing and persuasion of others" benefit from in-person communication. And a survey of business publication subscribers reveals that meetings are particularly effective in negotiating contracts, senior job interviews, and listening to customers. "Anything with new customers, closing sales, and improving the top line is still done face-to-face," according to Fay Beauchine, president of the National Business Travel Association Foundation.
Given today's tightened budgets, more emphasis is being placed on measuring the impact of meetings, conferences, and trade shows. That makes perfect sense. Going completely digital to the detriment of human contact, trust-building, and long-term relationships, however, doesn't.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
When Your Presentation Encounters Hostility
If an audience appears to be hostile or agitated, you need to act fast, says Dr. Gary Genard, president of Public Speaking International, who offers training on presentation and speaking skills worldwide.
"First, you should have seen this coming," he says. "Don't be like a deer in the headlights. Prepare yourself by knowing the political climate, how much to share, who will be in the room, and how they like to receive information. Know your audience's need and expectations, otherwise you'll be flying blind."
If you understand your industry, your clients, their cultural biases, and their needs, you should be able to deal with anger, resistance, or hostility with confidence, he says. Genard provides these seven tips for overcoming resistance:
1. Understand the type of resistance you're facing. "The more information we have at our fingertips to counter the resistance, the more accurate we'll be in the action we take. Is the resistance institutional? Fact-driven or cultural? Is it a flaw in your logic or an ego-trip for the questioner? In other words, you should be alert to what's coming your way and respond honestly. Look below the surface; look for subtext – the real action beyond the scene. Does the audience need an emotion validated? If they do, show them you understand."
2. Listen for emotions. "Even in an emotional storm, there may be subtle differences as to what you are hearing and what you can respond to," says Genard. "Emotions, not your message, may be making your audience hostile toward you. You may represent a point of view or a company to them; therefore, you provide a convenient target for the audience to attempt to redress a recent problem or vent after decades of resentment and anger. You don't have to change your message; instead, deal with the audience's emotional response."
3. Recast erroneous assumptions. "The more serious the assumption, the faster it must be countered," says Genard, saying that you may even interrupt (politely, of course) the erroneous statement. Why? Because the more time that goes by before the error is countered or corrected, it starts to set like cement."
4. Welcome unclear or fuzzy arguments. "If an argument is unclear or fuzzy enough, it's a gift to you," says Genard. "You can go anywhere you want with it. It's your golden opportunity to express your critical messages all over again in a different way."
5. Go low-key and conversational. "The more someone rants and raves at you, the quieter you should become," says Genard. Why? Because everyone else in the room will quickly realize that the person ranting is out of line. They will see the contrast immediately between the raving person and the considerate, soft-spoken, and reasonable person (you).
6. Be aware of your tone. "Watch how are you saying what you are saying," says Genard. "The best arguments in the world will fail if they sound defensive or angry. Audiences will remember a presentation’s tone far longer than they will recall the facts and statistics."
7. Disagree neutrally. "There will be many opportunities for you to demonstrate your rapier wit and responses when you are faced with skepticism and hostility. Resist every one of them, for the reasons given above," says Genard.
In summary, Genard says to think in terms of shaping the issue. "In other words, frame your message in ways that work to your advantage," he says.
More information on these tips can also be found in Genard's book, How to Give a Speech: Easy-to-Learn Skills For More Successful and Profitable Presentations, Speeches, Meetings, Sales, and More! (Cedar and Maitland Press, 2007). You can find the book at amazon.com or at PublicSpeakingInternational.com.
"First, you should have seen this coming," he says. "Don't be like a deer in the headlights. Prepare yourself by knowing the political climate, how much to share, who will be in the room, and how they like to receive information. Know your audience's need and expectations, otherwise you'll be flying blind."
If you understand your industry, your clients, their cultural biases, and their needs, you should be able to deal with anger, resistance, or hostility with confidence, he says. Genard provides these seven tips for overcoming resistance:
1. Understand the type of resistance you're facing. "The more information we have at our fingertips to counter the resistance, the more accurate we'll be in the action we take. Is the resistance institutional? Fact-driven or cultural? Is it a flaw in your logic or an ego-trip for the questioner? In other words, you should be alert to what's coming your way and respond honestly. Look below the surface; look for subtext – the real action beyond the scene. Does the audience need an emotion validated? If they do, show them you understand."
2. Listen for emotions. "Even in an emotional storm, there may be subtle differences as to what you are hearing and what you can respond to," says Genard. "Emotions, not your message, may be making your audience hostile toward you. You may represent a point of view or a company to them; therefore, you provide a convenient target for the audience to attempt to redress a recent problem or vent after decades of resentment and anger. You don't have to change your message; instead, deal with the audience's emotional response."
3. Recast erroneous assumptions. "The more serious the assumption, the faster it must be countered," says Genard, saying that you may even interrupt (politely, of course) the erroneous statement. Why? Because the more time that goes by before the error is countered or corrected, it starts to set like cement."
4. Welcome unclear or fuzzy arguments. "If an argument is unclear or fuzzy enough, it's a gift to you," says Genard. "You can go anywhere you want with it. It's your golden opportunity to express your critical messages all over again in a different way."
5. Go low-key and conversational. "The more someone rants and raves at you, the quieter you should become," says Genard. Why? Because everyone else in the room will quickly realize that the person ranting is out of line. They will see the contrast immediately between the raving person and the considerate, soft-spoken, and reasonable person (you).
6. Be aware of your tone. "Watch how are you saying what you are saying," says Genard. "The best arguments in the world will fail if they sound defensive or angry. Audiences will remember a presentation’s tone far longer than they will recall the facts and statistics."
7. Disagree neutrally. "There will be many opportunities for you to demonstrate your rapier wit and responses when you are faced with skepticism and hostility. Resist every one of them, for the reasons given above," says Genard.
In summary, Genard says to think in terms of shaping the issue. "In other words, frame your message in ways that work to your advantage," he says.
More information on these tips can also be found in Genard's book, How to Give a Speech: Easy-to-Learn Skills For More Successful and Profitable Presentations, Speeches, Meetings, Sales, and More! (Cedar and Maitland Press, 2007). You can find the book at amazon.com or at PublicSpeakingInternational.com.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Salespeople and Others: Recognize a Nibble When You Feel One!
Earlier this month, an executive delivered testimony before the House Financial Services Subcommittee, and rose from the witness table with a dozen daggers deeply embedded in his chest, neck, and back. Well, not literally.
But I wonder if it felt that way for Edward Liddy, the caretaker head of American International Group or AIG. As you'll recall, Mr. Liddy testified about the $165 million in retention bonuses paid to employees of AIG's troubled Financial Products unit. By the time he was finished, there didn't seem to be a pair of dry hands among the panel members. As Macbeth may have put it (as he did in Shakespeare's play that bears his name), "All great Neptune's ocean won't wash this blood clean from my hand."
I would guess that you or I wouldn't be willing to face Mr. Liddy's ordeal for one dollar a year--the salary he has agreed to accept for his work. But what about instances in our own presentations and speeches when we face skepticism or hostility from our audiences? Resistance that's expected, the kind Mr. Liddy faced, at least advertises itself beforehand. But how do we deal with challenges to our position or ideas that we can't anticipate, the kind that only rear their heads during our presentation?
The most important thing to remember about "push-backs" like this, is that we shouldn't fear them. Resistance is a natural element of a thinking and attentive audience. Listeners who question, challenge, and play the devil to your advocate, are people who are engaged in what you are staying. Salespeople recognize such questioning and skepticism as nibbles at the bait. Why would this person take the time and trouble to engage in such a dialogue with you if they weren't interested? The audience member who resists you completely will stop listening, and probably leave to boot.
We should therefore continue to reach out to audiences, whatever the resistance, and not shift to defensiveness. Once our responses become defensive, we've lost control of the situation and shifted into a "siege mentality." From that point on, we're only dodging flaming arrows coming over the battlements--not advocating effectively for our product, service, or message.
So stay positive when you speak on behalf of your company, your organization, or your ideas. Audiences respect a speaker who stands up for his or her beliefs, even, and sometimes more strongly, in the face of determined resistance.
In my next post, I'll discuss 7 specific tips for overcoming audience resistance. Now, that is, that you're ready to welcome some rough-and-tumble as a speaker.
But I wonder if it felt that way for Edward Liddy, the caretaker head of American International Group or AIG. As you'll recall, Mr. Liddy testified about the $165 million in retention bonuses paid to employees of AIG's troubled Financial Products unit. By the time he was finished, there didn't seem to be a pair of dry hands among the panel members. As Macbeth may have put it (as he did in Shakespeare's play that bears his name), "All great Neptune's ocean won't wash this blood clean from my hand."
I would guess that you or I wouldn't be willing to face Mr. Liddy's ordeal for one dollar a year--the salary he has agreed to accept for his work. But what about instances in our own presentations and speeches when we face skepticism or hostility from our audiences? Resistance that's expected, the kind Mr. Liddy faced, at least advertises itself beforehand. But how do we deal with challenges to our position or ideas that we can't anticipate, the kind that only rear their heads during our presentation?
The most important thing to remember about "push-backs" like this, is that we shouldn't fear them. Resistance is a natural element of a thinking and attentive audience. Listeners who question, challenge, and play the devil to your advocate, are people who are engaged in what you are staying. Salespeople recognize such questioning and skepticism as nibbles at the bait. Why would this person take the time and trouble to engage in such a dialogue with you if they weren't interested? The audience member who resists you completely will stop listening, and probably leave to boot.
We should therefore continue to reach out to audiences, whatever the resistance, and not shift to defensiveness. Once our responses become defensive, we've lost control of the situation and shifted into a "siege mentality." From that point on, we're only dodging flaming arrows coming over the battlements--not advocating effectively for our product, service, or message.
So stay positive when you speak on behalf of your company, your organization, or your ideas. Audiences respect a speaker who stands up for his or her beliefs, even, and sometimes more strongly, in the face of determined resistance.
In my next post, I'll discuss 7 specific tips for overcoming audience resistance. Now, that is, that you're ready to welcome some rough-and-tumble as a speaker.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Use Emotion to Persuade Your Listeners
This week, the Guardian newspaper in the U.K. published an amazing piece about a recent discovery in human brain activity. The findings contain information that anyone who gives speeches and presentations had better pay attention to.
Scientists have recorded "the gentle flicker of activity that lights up the brain" when we form our first impressions of someone. Volunteers underwent brain scans while forming opinions of people, and activity was recorded in two specific regions: the amygdala and posterior cingulate cortex. The scientific labels aren't important. But the findings are highly significant with regard to public speaking. They remind us that audiences make judgments about us within the first 30 seconds of our presentations. And those judgments attach not only to us, but to our message and the people and organization we represent as well.
"Okay," I hear you saying, "so ancient brain circuits in our listeners light up when we give a speech. So what?" It may sound like news from the Cro-Magnon equivalent of Twitter, yet it has enormous implications for how we persuade our listeners.
We all know that human beings make critical decisions at a gut level, then justify those decisions with logic. "Gut level" equals emotions. That means that unless we're speaking to audiences in emotional as well as intellectual terms, our persuasiveness will have a great gaping hole in the middle.
To understand why, let's take another look at the human brain. The earliest part of the brain to evolve was the brain stem, where basic functions like breathing and heart rate reside. Next came the limbic system--the seat of our emotions. Last to develop in evolutionary terms was the prefrontal cortex, the region in our brains where complex logical thinking occurs. Think about that (and feel its power): our emotional brain came first--followed by our thinking brain.
The emotional brain and the thinking brain not only share beliefs, judgments, and feelings, then--there are actually anatomical links between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. So the thought that "business is business," and we shouldn't get all emotional about it, is exactly the wrong kind of thinking if persuasion is your ultimate goal.
To put all of this most simply: audiences use their emotions to receive what we say, to judge whether it's true, and critically, to decide about how to respond to it. The conclusion is inescapable: We had better give emotions a front seat when we're driving our essential messages home.
Do so, and your listeners will judge you all the more positively--not only for the honest self you're showing them, but for the emotional and entirely human approach you're sharing with them.
Scientists have recorded "the gentle flicker of activity that lights up the brain" when we form our first impressions of someone. Volunteers underwent brain scans while forming opinions of people, and activity was recorded in two specific regions: the amygdala and posterior cingulate cortex. The scientific labels aren't important. But the findings are highly significant with regard to public speaking. They remind us that audiences make judgments about us within the first 30 seconds of our presentations. And those judgments attach not only to us, but to our message and the people and organization we represent as well.
"Okay," I hear you saying, "so ancient brain circuits in our listeners light up when we give a speech. So what?" It may sound like news from the Cro-Magnon equivalent of Twitter, yet it has enormous implications for how we persuade our listeners.
We all know that human beings make critical decisions at a gut level, then justify those decisions with logic. "Gut level" equals emotions. That means that unless we're speaking to audiences in emotional as well as intellectual terms, our persuasiveness will have a great gaping hole in the middle.
To understand why, let's take another look at the human brain. The earliest part of the brain to evolve was the brain stem, where basic functions like breathing and heart rate reside. Next came the limbic system--the seat of our emotions. Last to develop in evolutionary terms was the prefrontal cortex, the region in our brains where complex logical thinking occurs. Think about that (and feel its power): our emotional brain came first--followed by our thinking brain.
The emotional brain and the thinking brain not only share beliefs, judgments, and feelings, then--there are actually anatomical links between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. So the thought that "business is business," and we shouldn't get all emotional about it, is exactly the wrong kind of thinking if persuasion is your ultimate goal.
To put all of this most simply: audiences use their emotions to receive what we say, to judge whether it's true, and critically, to decide about how to respond to it. The conclusion is inescapable: We had better give emotions a front seat when we're driving our essential messages home.
Do so, and your listeners will judge you all the more positively--not only for the honest self you're showing them, but for the emotional and entirely human approach you're sharing with them.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Simple Art of Learning to Breathe Properly
When I was living and acting professionally in New York, I took a course on meditation at the Himalayan Institute. Casually one day, the teacher expressed an opinion that has stayed in my mind ever since.
"We don't have an epidemic of heart disease in this country," he said. "We have an epidemic of breathing disease."
You could call that a "breathtaking" statement in itself. It certainly resonated with someone for whom--as a stage actor--breathing and breath control were central to the performance of my art.
What the teacher was saying, was that typically one's heart isn't given enough oxygen because of poor breathing habits. A heart continually deprived of an adequate supply of oxygen, of course, will fare poorly over time. Interestingly, the same careless breathing habits will negatively affect our performance as public speakers.
Breathing for speech is different from breathing for life. The latter is sometimes known as "vegetative breathing," meaning that it is passive and not aimed consciously at a goal. In speech, however, breath not only is the energizing force which powers our vocal folds, but it must be controlled to achieve desired effects. Chief among these is the need to sustain the sound, since the most important words in English usually come at the end of a phrase or sentence.
This means that, as speakers, we use controlled exhalation that is much longer than the "quick in and quick out" inhalation and exhalation of breathing for life. Naturally, then, in order to control our exhalation, we have to breathe deeply enough to form a reservoir of air that we can draw upon.
Speakers therefore should breathe more deeply than in everyday vegetative breathing. This is often a particular challenge in public speaking, when self-consciousness and adrenaline are enticing us to breathe shallowly and rapidly.
Getting a full reservoir of air that allows us to sustain our vocalization is only one benefit to slower, deeper, relaxed breathing for speech. A full rush of air that fills our lungs actually slows our heart down, calming and centering us. Try this exercise yourself: Get a baseline pulse rate at your wrist, then take a huge intake of air, pause for a few seconds, then "whoosh" it all out in a big exhalation. You should feel a distinct slowing on your pulse rate in the first few seconds afterwards.
Another reason to breathe fully and deeply is that it oxygenates our brain. And the brain needs this precious fuel if our gray matter is to function at its top efficiency. In the speech environment where thinking on one's feet is paramount, this is no small benefit either.
So, try some relaxation exercises--lying down or sitting, it really doesn't matter--that teach you to breathe slowly and more deeply. You'll feel good, be more centered and ready to speak, look good by avoiding a "caved in" appearance, and be able to support and sustain your crucial points as you talk.
One other suggestion: As you do your relaxed breathing exercise, try to get your inhalation and exhalation to be continuous, i.e., with no starting or stopping point where one begins and the other ends. Think of a figure "8" on its side, which is actually the symbol for infinity--there is no break anywhere. Unobstructed breathing like that, I believe, helps loosen the mental blockages that are so often part of our trepidation about speaking in public.
All in all, not a bad package of benefits from the simple art of learning to breathe properly, is it?
"We don't have an epidemic of heart disease in this country," he said. "We have an epidemic of breathing disease."
You could call that a "breathtaking" statement in itself. It certainly resonated with someone for whom--as a stage actor--breathing and breath control were central to the performance of my art.
What the teacher was saying, was that typically one's heart isn't given enough oxygen because of poor breathing habits. A heart continually deprived of an adequate supply of oxygen, of course, will fare poorly over time. Interestingly, the same careless breathing habits will negatively affect our performance as public speakers.
Breathing for speech is different from breathing for life. The latter is sometimes known as "vegetative breathing," meaning that it is passive and not aimed consciously at a goal. In speech, however, breath not only is the energizing force which powers our vocal folds, but it must be controlled to achieve desired effects. Chief among these is the need to sustain the sound, since the most important words in English usually come at the end of a phrase or sentence.
This means that, as speakers, we use controlled exhalation that is much longer than the "quick in and quick out" inhalation and exhalation of breathing for life. Naturally, then, in order to control our exhalation, we have to breathe deeply enough to form a reservoir of air that we can draw upon.
Speakers therefore should breathe more deeply than in everyday vegetative breathing. This is often a particular challenge in public speaking, when self-consciousness and adrenaline are enticing us to breathe shallowly and rapidly.
Getting a full reservoir of air that allows us to sustain our vocalization is only one benefit to slower, deeper, relaxed breathing for speech. A full rush of air that fills our lungs actually slows our heart down, calming and centering us. Try this exercise yourself: Get a baseline pulse rate at your wrist, then take a huge intake of air, pause for a few seconds, then "whoosh" it all out in a big exhalation. You should feel a distinct slowing on your pulse rate in the first few seconds afterwards.
Another reason to breathe fully and deeply is that it oxygenates our brain. And the brain needs this precious fuel if our gray matter is to function at its top efficiency. In the speech environment where thinking on one's feet is paramount, this is no small benefit either.
So, try some relaxation exercises--lying down or sitting, it really doesn't matter--that teach you to breathe slowly and more deeply. You'll feel good, be more centered and ready to speak, look good by avoiding a "caved in" appearance, and be able to support and sustain your crucial points as you talk.
One other suggestion: As you do your relaxed breathing exercise, try to get your inhalation and exhalation to be continuous, i.e., with no starting or stopping point where one begins and the other ends. Think of a figure "8" on its side, which is actually the symbol for infinity--there is no break anywhere. Unobstructed breathing like that, I believe, helps loosen the mental blockages that are so often part of our trepidation about speaking in public.
All in all, not a bad package of benefits from the simple art of learning to breathe properly, is it?
Friday, October 17, 2008
An Exercise for Improving Eye Contact
We've all heard that eye contact is essential for successful public speaking. Sometimes, however, looking audience members in the eye isn't easy, especially when nervousness and self-consciousness hijack our thinking.
Recently, I coached a client who had a severe case of eye-avoidedness. It was the first issue he brought up. And of course, I saw it in action immediately. Even though we sat in armchairs no more than 4 feet apart, I'd estimate that he avoided looking at me about 80% of the time.
He knew this was a problem both in presentations and interpersonal communication, but he had no idea how to overcome his shyness. And that, in fact, turned out to be an important clue for me. He mentioned that he was an introvert. One speaking trait introverts sometimes have, is a desire to "go away" in their own mind and fashion a carefully structured and gift-wrapped statement or response. In the rough-and-tumble of conversations and Q & A, however, we seldom have the luxury of doing this.
Before we tried an exercise I had in mind, I gave him the two reasons why I believe strong eye contact is critical to successful speaking situations:
1. You will never exert influence on people you don't look in the eye! When was the last time you were persuaded by someone who wouldn't look at you while he or she was talking?
2. People are easier to get a response from than the back wall. I often hear from my trainees, "But if I look anyone right in the eye, I'll forget what I'm saying!" At this point I usually respond: "Which do you think is going to give you something back, the ceiling or the person you're talking to?"
Our listeners should give us energy--not suck it out of us like an audience of vampires! Speaking to "the window of the soul" as you say something important to people, and observing their response, should be a delightful activity, not a painful one. People want you to look at them when you talk; and if you do, they'll trust you more.
As it turned out, the exercise we practiced next turned out to be even more helpful for this client than I anticipated. Here it is:
I had prepared around 20 impromptu speech topics, which I folded and placed in an envelope. My client had to reach in, choose a slip and read it, then look up at me and start talking about it. Understand: I gave him no time to prepare. (No nicely wrapped speech package possible here!)
The topics were intentionally ones that he would have no expertise in, and in fact, each topic had no right or wrong answer. They included, for instance, "What do you like about the United Nations, and why?" "What do you think was the most interesting ancient civilization?" and so on.
For a minute or two each time, my client spoke on each of the four items he'd selected. And I'd say that 90% of his responses were delivered looking directly at me, with rock-solid eye contact!
You see, he couldn't "go away" and marshall his thoughts and relevant data on the subject, for there wasn't any from his professional experience. The exercise was simple and clear: it was teaching him to look at his listeners even if he wasn't sure what he was about to say. He had to attempt to reach his listener with what he was saying, not fashion "the perfect answer."
The exercise, of course, is a confidence builder, and I've used it many times solely for that purpose. But it was nice to know that it works well as a tool for strengthening eye contact, too.
Recently, I coached a client who had a severe case of eye-avoidedness. It was the first issue he brought up. And of course, I saw it in action immediately. Even though we sat in armchairs no more than 4 feet apart, I'd estimate that he avoided looking at me about 80% of the time.
He knew this was a problem both in presentations and interpersonal communication, but he had no idea how to overcome his shyness. And that, in fact, turned out to be an important clue for me. He mentioned that he was an introvert. One speaking trait introverts sometimes have, is a desire to "go away" in their own mind and fashion a carefully structured and gift-wrapped statement or response. In the rough-and-tumble of conversations and Q & A, however, we seldom have the luxury of doing this.
Before we tried an exercise I had in mind, I gave him the two reasons why I believe strong eye contact is critical to successful speaking situations:
1. You will never exert influence on people you don't look in the eye! When was the last time you were persuaded by someone who wouldn't look at you while he or she was talking?
2. People are easier to get a response from than the back wall. I often hear from my trainees, "But if I look anyone right in the eye, I'll forget what I'm saying!" At this point I usually respond: "Which do you think is going to give you something back, the ceiling or the person you're talking to?"
Our listeners should give us energy--not suck it out of us like an audience of vampires! Speaking to "the window of the soul" as you say something important to people, and observing their response, should be a delightful activity, not a painful one. People want you to look at them when you talk; and if you do, they'll trust you more.
As it turned out, the exercise we practiced next turned out to be even more helpful for this client than I anticipated. Here it is:
I had prepared around 20 impromptu speech topics, which I folded and placed in an envelope. My client had to reach in, choose a slip and read it, then look up at me and start talking about it. Understand: I gave him no time to prepare. (No nicely wrapped speech package possible here!)
The topics were intentionally ones that he would have no expertise in, and in fact, each topic had no right or wrong answer. They included, for instance, "What do you like about the United Nations, and why?" "What do you think was the most interesting ancient civilization?" and so on.
For a minute or two each time, my client spoke on each of the four items he'd selected. And I'd say that 90% of his responses were delivered looking directly at me, with rock-solid eye contact!
You see, he couldn't "go away" and marshall his thoughts and relevant data on the subject, for there wasn't any from his professional experience. The exercise was simple and clear: it was teaching him to look at his listeners even if he wasn't sure what he was about to say. He had to attempt to reach his listener with what he was saying, not fashion "the perfect answer."
The exercise, of course, is a confidence builder, and I've used it many times solely for that purpose. But it was nice to know that it works well as a tool for strengthening eye contact, too.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Your Dance with Your Listeners
"May I have the pleasure of this dance?"
What an appropriate metaphor for our speeches and presentations! For aren't we inviting our listeners to "dance," to take a whirl (or a waltz or a two-step) as we partner with them concerning our topic and message?
We lead, and our listeners follow. If we do it right, they'll be with us every step of the way. If we're clumsy or we ignore our partners, of course, they won't enjoy the experience. Their toes may not ache, but they'll be sorry they accepted our invitation.
Too often, we feel like we're dancing all by ourselves in the spotlight. One of our tasks as a speaker, after all, is to engage our listeners at all times, not letting them drift away from the steps we're teaching them. A speech or presentation isn't a solo tap routine. It's always a duet, and we need to notice and feel the response of our listeners--exactly like a good dance partner. For us as speakers, that means paying attention to and adapting to our audience's nonverbal communication.
And when audience members speak up with questions and comments, that's our chance to follow their lead. If we're paying attention and we care about whether our routine succeeds, we'll respond appropriately--it's as simple and natural as that.
A major challenge for all of us is to know that our audience is being actively influenced when we speak. Too often, we sense we're up there alone, and it can feel as though we're walking down a dimly-lit one-way street. Thinking of our presentations as a dance with our listeners is a good way to get past that feeling. We may even be able to transform that one-way street into a garden path, with us and our audience-partner waltzing down it in the sunlight.
What an appropriate metaphor for our speeches and presentations! For aren't we inviting our listeners to "dance," to take a whirl (or a waltz or a two-step) as we partner with them concerning our topic and message?
We lead, and our listeners follow. If we do it right, they'll be with us every step of the way. If we're clumsy or we ignore our partners, of course, they won't enjoy the experience. Their toes may not ache, but they'll be sorry they accepted our invitation.
Too often, we feel like we're dancing all by ourselves in the spotlight. One of our tasks as a speaker, after all, is to engage our listeners at all times, not letting them drift away from the steps we're teaching them. A speech or presentation isn't a solo tap routine. It's always a duet, and we need to notice and feel the response of our listeners--exactly like a good dance partner. For us as speakers, that means paying attention to and adapting to our audience's nonverbal communication.
And when audience members speak up with questions and comments, that's our chance to follow their lead. If we're paying attention and we care about whether our routine succeeds, we'll respond appropriately--it's as simple and natural as that.
A major challenge for all of us is to know that our audience is being actively influenced when we speak. Too often, we sense we're up there alone, and it can feel as though we're walking down a dimly-lit one-way street. Thinking of our presentations as a dance with our listeners is a good way to get past that feeling. We may even be able to transform that one-way street into a garden path, with us and our audience-partner waltzing down it in the sunlight.
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